Overthinking: The Burdens and Hidden Benefits for HSPs
Have you had the experience of getting stuck in “overthinking” mode about something you need to do? You put off the task for ages out of dread and anxiety, but then once you finish it you realize it was actually easy and don’t understand what took you so long. This happened to me recently and I’m still digesting the experience.
This past month I finished a big work project (a resource for therapists in the consulting part of my business) that I literally started six years ago. SIX YEARS! I could understand if the project demanded that amount of time, but it actually only took me a few months to finish. Overthinking and delaying action like this is such a common experience for highly sensitive folks.
You might notice overthinking showing up in other ways too, not just with your to-do list. Maybe you can’t fall asleep at night because your mind is so busy going through the events of the day, sometimes multiple times. Or you’ll be trying to make a relatively straightforward decision, but keep circling through all the scenarios and what ifs, wanting to ensure you make the right choice. Of course, the higher the stakes, such as deciding on relationships, work, or where to live, the more overthinking that ensues!
Overthinking vs. Deep Thinking
All these scenarios can feel like torture and you may curse the overthinking part of your highly sensitive brain. You also want to make sure you’re not throwing out deep thinking/processing with overthinking. The two are actually different, with overthinking being the more extreme version of deep processing. As an HSP, your brain is wired to pause and reflect. Although annoying or frustrating at times, there are amazing benefits to:
Taking your time to make well thought out decisions about your life
Thoroughly reflecting on your day to see what is important, could go better next time, or if there’s anything you missed
Waiting until you’re fully prepared and have the bandwidth to check that important task off your to-do list
With my big work project, I could definitely have completed it that same year I started. Would it have been as thorough and impactful? Not even close. Would I have felt as prepared and competent as the presenter? Definitely not. I needed these last six years to deepen my knowledge, skills, and confidence. I wasn’t ready until now and that’s okay!
Do It Once, Do It Right
By waiting until I was ready (or mostly ready, I still needed to give myself a nudge!) I had a better experience presenting the resource to other therapists and am now more likely to continue offering it. The takeaway here is that there is value in thinking things through and pausing to reflect before acting. As Dr. Elaine Aron says, the HSP motto is to “do it once, do it right”. We are not the ones who rush in without thinking, we’re more deliberate and make fewer mistakes and better decisions as a result!
Sometimes overthinking is useful, other times your mind may be spinning in an unhelpful way - doing more rumination or catastrophizing. This is where it’s important to look underneath the hood, beyond the surface of your busy thoughts into your mental health, lifestyle, and nervous system care.
When you’re in overthinking mode, what’s happening in your day? Your life? Within yourself? Are you overwhelmed, stressed, running non-stop from one thing to another, or not prioritizing yourself? How much downtime or meaningful self-care are you getting each day? What fears or anxieties are coming up for you right now? Although uncomfortable, take a closer look at the root of overthinking.
Living in Alignment
Overthinking is most common for highly sensitive people when you’re not living in alignment with your sensitive needs:
Not getting enough downtime and free space for your mind to wander
Not tending to your nervous system with whatever practices feel most soothing (gentle movement, yoga, mindfulness, breathing, tapping, etc.)
Not processing your thoughts through journaling or other creative outlets
Not working through your emotions through journaling, therapy, talking to a trusted friend, or other practices
Although there’s no quick fix to turn off overthinking, begin to notice when overthinking shows up the most. When it does, ask yourself - what do I need more or less of? Start there.
3 Steps to a Calmer Mind
To take a deeper look and be guided in practices to soothe your busy mind, join me live for this month’s Sensitive Session workshop on overthinking (or watch the recording).
We’ll break down the 3 stages of overthinking and its connection to anxiety and depression and explore three steps to a calmer mind. You’ll learn tools to to quiet your busy mind so you can relax, fall asleep more easily at night, and make decisions with more ease. Click here to sign up.
