Feeling Stuck In Your Big Emotions as a Highly Sensitive Person? Here’s Why
This is a story about being more emotionally responsive as a highly sensitive person, told through a recent experience I had at the dentist. If you just had a physical reaction, don’t worry - I won’t share any specific details of the dental work, just my reflections and insights.
Like many people, especially HSPs, I have never enjoyed going to the dentist and often skipped appointments to avoid the pain and discomfort because my mouth is also sensitive! About six years ago everything changed when I needed my wisdom teeth removed and I decided it was time to take my dental health more seriously.
Ever since then I’ve been getting my teeth cleaned every three months and for the past year have been going to the dentist every 6 weeks for Invisalign treatment to correct some spacing issues. In short, I’m visiting the dentist A LOT and my overall anxiety has thankfully gotten better, but other types of treatments still stress me out!
Last month I was at my regular checkup and was informed that I had to get one old filling replaced and a small cavity filled. I cried all the way home after hearing this news and the dread got worse and worse as I got closer to the appointment. For most this would be no big deal, but it caused me a lot of anxiety. Although getting cleanings and checkups is pretty predictable at this point, anything more increases the possibility of my discomfort going way up. Plus, as an HSP, I notice so vividly all the little ways my mouth feels different for a few weeks after.
Having mild anxiety about the dentist makes sense and is typical for me, but I was honestly a little confused as to why I was reacting so strongly this time. Although not my favorite, I’ve gotten fillings before without this much of an anxiety spike. Since I come from a family with a history of anxiety, I started to worry that maybe I was just doomed to be anxious all the time despite having little to no anxiety in so many other situations in my life.
Emotions Can Feel Bigger Than the Moment
After talking it through with my dear therapist, I was able to get some perspective and recognize two reasons why my reaction felt bigger than this particular moment.
First of all, I’ve been dealing with a stressful event in my personal life over the last few months which makes everything else feel more difficult. Imagine pouring a cup of water into a bucket…
If the bucket is empty, there’s plenty of capacity to keep pouring water in. However, if the bucket is nearly full, the water you pour in will cause the bucket to overflow, spilling water all over the floor. Just like the bucket, when you’re feeling calm and resourced, you have the capacity to manage stress, but when you’re already overwhelmed and exhausted, that same stressful event is going to cause an overflow. As a result, you’ll feel emotionally drained, angry, irritable, anxious, or find yourself crying at a moment’s notice.
That’s why in the past, I saw a slight rise in anxiety when I needed a dental procedure versus when under stress, that same news threw me into a panic. Can you think of an example of this in your own life?
Having less capacity to self-soothe and think clearly under stress is an experience any human would have, of course. There’s another layer here though, which is unique to highly sensitive folks.
Highly Sensitive Brains are Wired Differently
You know from your own experience that stressed or not, HSPs often have more robust emotional experiences, feeling everything more deeply (the good and the bad). This can create an illusion that you’re overreacting or being dramatic, as some may have said about my high anxiety around getting an everyday procedure such as a filling. The reality is that the parts of your brain that deal with emotion, access long-term memory, and process information are much more active as a highly sensitive person.
On the outside, it seems as if you’re overreacting, but what’s really happening is that your brain is connecting this moment with past experiences that are similar. Without getting technical, your brain accesses long-term memory more often and scans each moment to see if you’ve been through something similar in the past. The advantage of this process is to protect you (and others) from danger.
Thinking + Feeling Deeply is a Helpful Tool
Hundreds of years ago, if you saw the grass swaying on the prairie, your brain would pull up other moments of the grass swaying and remember that lions have jumped out. This gives you time to alert your community of the impending danger even before the lions show themselves, saving yourself and many other lives. That’s a powerful and useful tool to have! The same goes for modern day when you might need to read people or situations that show subtle signs of emotional, physical, or financial danger to you, your loved ones, or even the company you work for.
There are many advantages to this deep processing, emotionality, and memory recall that every HSP brain possesses, although it does mean having more complex reactions to individual moments. Although difficult at times, I always consider this a blessing and an opportunity to either avoid repeating past painful experiences or process past emotions with present day insights and tools.
Although I can’t avoid going to the dentist and may have to get more fillings in the future, these big feelings are helping me to recognize that I need to address the underlying health reasons I’m getting cavities despite having really strong oral hygiene! And also that I need a provider who offers more warmth, patience, and understanding of my sensitive needs.
What examples from your own life are served by your highly sensitive deep processing and feeling? Have you identified problems before they happened, had insights about why something was difficult, or been able to gather insights and emotional healing that would have otherwise been unavailable if you weren’t an HSP?
“Overreacting” Has Advantages!
If you’ve been told (or thought) that you’re overreacting in the past, remember that you’re not “too sensitive”, “too emotional”, fragile, or weak. Your brain and nervous system are just wired differently which has many advantages for you and everyone around you (even if they don’t know it)!
Also remember that you process more information more deeply and will need more time to sift through your emotions as well as more time to rest afterwards. Be patient with yourself and be sure not to compare your process to anyone else.
