Life as an HSP: Create Your Own Rules
Recently I’ve had this familiar feeling return - a deep longing for solitude and introspection. Do you know the one? That feeling which signals you’ve had too much time spent focused outward tending to the needs of others and not enough time pouring into yourself.
When the feeling resurfaced this week after a long hiatus, I knew what it meant and I had to listen. That insistent urge to turn inward, to hibernate in bed, to literally go dark and quiet is not to be ignored. It’s not the casual “I’ve socialized too much this week” feeling, it’s more serious. It’s a critical alert that lets you know you are close to being fully depleted, that you must recharge immediately or systems are going to start shutting down.
Signs You’re Overwhelmed
When I’m feeling this level of disconnection from myself and ignore the call to recharge, that’s when I start to feel that tickle at the back of my throat or my skin getting irritated - my body gets sick or inflamed to ensure that I slow down to rest. Other common signs I see in the HSPs I work with are migraines, digestive issues, depression, ruminating thoughts, insomnia. Sadly, many HSPs live in these states all the time so it’s no surprise being highly sensitive feels like a burden, a life sentence of overwhelm or discomfort when there’s so much more joy possible. What signs do you notice when you’ve pushed yourself beyond your HSP limits for too long?
In the past these states of overwhelm, exhaustion, and discomfort were regular, sometimes weekly, occurrences. Discovering my high sensitivity has slowly opened up more and more permission to live by my own rules - having breaks scheduled throughout the day, having at least one day per week to do nothing, listening to my instincts even when I can’t explain it, not attending impersonal parties, limiting time with people who drain me, and so many more!
Surround Yourself with Other Sensitive People
Although it’s impossible to live a perfectly HSP-friendly life all the time, having an HSP community and being married to a fellow HSP helps a lot! They remind me that I’m not alone in what I need, that it’s okay to do less, and not to worry about what everyone else is doing. Best to keep your eyes on your own paper when you’re highly sensitive!
There certainly was a time when I wasn’t living at a sustainable pace, where I often pressured myself to keep up with my non-HSP friends and family, when I allowed guilt and self-criticism to reign free over my decisions, when I showed up frequently out of obligation or fear of conflict. I remember so vividly convincing myself why I needed to ignore my needs and instincts, why the person asking me to do something I didn’t want to do was right, or that I needed to work on being more available. I would literally force myself out of bed or out of the door after waiting until the last possible second to get ready for a social commitment that I didn’t want to attend.
Feeling completely irritated by the small talk and overstimulated by the cacophony of voices competing to be heard, only to leave feeling unsatisfied and drained - I was too tired to do anything after but get into bed or watch a show. Feeling this exhausted by something you didn’t want to do in the first place is such a sacrifice, cutting into energy you have for what’s most important to you and leaving you in an emotional hangover that can take anywhere from days to weeks to recover from.
Protect Your Energy + Feel More Joy
To preserve my time, energy, and emotional state, now I would decline the invite and propose a more fulfilling 1:1 connection instead. It’s hard to go against the grain, though, isn’t it? Everyone else’s expectations can seem more important or the “right” way to do things, especially if you grew up hearing the many variations of “you’re too sensitive” which can be interpreted as “you need to be different than you are”.
Even when you know you’re highly sensitive and that you need more quiet downtime and in-depth connections, it’s easy to continue looking outward for direction. Am I enough? Do I fit in? After so many years of feeling different, of being the “too sensitive” one, there can be a strong urge to want to be accepted. However, the road to fitting in often bypasses your strong instincts, needs, inner yearnings. You need to put your innate sensitivity and your true self aside to do that. What we forget, HSPs and non-HSPs alike, is that we need diversity, not sameness.
Follow Your Instincts to Access Your Sensitive Gifts
We need HSPs to see the little details, pause to think decisions through, be the emotional leaders and healers, to gently guide us towards more empathy. We also need the non-HSPs to dive right in, figure things out along the way, be out front, and inspire us to be more spontaneous. Both groups bring so much value and complement each other so well. But how can your natural sensitive strengths breathe if you’re constantly smothering them and forcing them to live like a non-HSP? You can’t. That’s why it’s so important to live by your own rules, to look inward for guidance, to follow your internal compass instead of doing what everyone else is doing.
What might be available if you listened to your own needs more often and forced yourself into a non-HSP mold less? Perhaps less overwhelm, more energy, more joy and fulfillment, strong intuition, better sleep, less guilt? When you begin to recognize the value that your sensitivity brings, that it doesn’t benefit anyone to bend yourself into a non-HSP pretzel, you can begin to access more of what your sensitivity has to offer and less of the burdens that come from living a non-HSP lifestyle.
Create a More HSP-Friendly Lifestyle
For more support in living more in alignment with your HSP needs, join me for an upcoming workshop: Creating an HSP-Friendly Lifestyle (part of my Sensitive Sessions Workshop Series).
Reflect on how you can create a deeply nourishing and supportive lifestyle at home, in relationships, at work, and within yourself.
Sign up here to join live on April 9th or watch the recording.
