5 Stages of HSP Grief and Acceptance
Have you recently discovered that you are a Highly Sensitive Person or have known about it for awhile but are struggling to accept that your sensitivity is a permanent part of you? Being easily overstimulated, exhausted or highly emotional can be difficult and perhaps you fear the sacrifices you might need to make to accommodate your sensitive nature. Fears may arise of a sequestered life at home, hiding from an outside world that is often stressful or harsh.
I will not lie to you - you will need to make some lifestyle changes to manage your sensitivity such as finding space for downtime on a daily basis, maintaining consistent sleep habits, engaging in meaningful activities and relationships, cultivating a reasonable work-life balance, and so on. You will still be engaged in the world, just in a less stimulating way that works for you.
Embracing Sensitive Strengths
Taking care of yourself as a highly sensitive person can feel like a puzzle and you’ll need to be intentional about finding balance, but you gain a variety of wonderful strengths when you do! You may be wondering, what is so great about being an HSP? I know this trait can feel like a burden at times, especially if you’re constantly overwhelmed by emotions or too much to do.
When you let go of trying to live at the pace of everyone else and slow down just a little, a lot becomes possible and the best parts of the trait can rise to the surface! HSPs are capable of deep, meaningful connections and make wonderful partners, friends, parents and employees. You can be very insightful, perceptive, conscientious, and detail-oriented.
Highly Sensitive People also get to feel great joy in the little moments and have a passionate appreciation for whatever they’re into (art, spirituality, gaming, crafts, books, nature, animals). Essentially, you can live, love and feel deeply in ways that others will not be able to do!
Letting Go
As wonderful as it can be to discover and name your sensitive strengths, there is often a natural process of grieving - especially at first, but this grief can bubble up at any point. Despite my own experience of fully embracing this trait, I still have moments of wanting to do more and not need as much downtime. I have to work really hard at keeping my eyes on my own page and accepting my own pace.
You may still be worried about the sacrifices necessary to receive the gifts of sensitivity. I understand, it is difficult changing the vision you have for yourself or failing to meet the expectations of loved ones. However, as I have learned on my own journey of self-discovery, just because I CAN do something, does not mean that it is SUSTAINABLE. Sometimes the vision changes and that is okay.
As you begin to explore your relationship to your sensitivity more deeply, it’s common to grieve a vision of yourself as a non-HSP. You may notice yourself passing through the Five Stages of Grief that were first introduced by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying. Below I look at the experience of being Highly Sensitive through the lens of the grieving process:
Five Stages of HSP Grief
Denial
Sounds like "I’m not an HSP or High Sensitivity is not actually real."
This stage helps protect you from the difficulty of your experience and reduce any discomfort. Although it can be relieving to find out about the trait of High Sensitivity, it can also feel too permanent if you’re only aware of the difficult parts of being an HSP.
Anger
Sounds like "I do not want to be this way. I hate being highly sensitive."
As you begin to accept the reality of your temperament, the denial slowly fades away and many feelings begin to surface. Anger is a common reaction.
Bargaining
Sounds like "Maybe I can compromise. It’s okay if I stay out late tonight or work all weekend."
Bargaining can help you feel more in control and not stuck.
Depression
Sounds like "This is hopeless. I can’t live this way; it is too hard."
In this stage, you may be mourning the ideas you had for yourself of wanting to do more or live a different kind of lifestyle.
Acceptance
Sounds like "I appreciate my Sensitivity and its gifts."
Loving your Sensitivity and nurturing yourself with it in mind. This stage is where your sensitive strengths are most likely to start to shine through.
Just as with any personal process, there is no finite destination, but a natural tendency to move in and out of the different stages. Give yourself time to process and be with each stage, taking as much time as you need to be there. With time, you can increase acceptance of your sensitivity and make any necessary lifestyle adjustments to feel your best.
